Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Christmas Loneliness...its real.

The weeks leading up to Christmas, I saw several posts about how the holidays are not happy for everyone. That for some, the holidays bring sadness, loneliness, feelings of helplessness and despair.

It is true.

And this year is not the first time I felt those things.

Way back when I was 22 years old, I was a newly divorced young woman, with a 1 year old daughter, facing my first Christmas as a single mother.

My marriage to my child's father was short lived. After three years of things not going the way I wanted or needed them to, I gave up on the union. There I was. A new mother, working part time, getting $50.00 a week child support, and facing Christmas 'alone'. It was rough. I was scared. Scared to be in our home alone with doors that wouldn't lock. Scared because I didn't make much money, and $50.00 didn't even pay for childcare. Scared because sometimes, I didn't know where the next meal would come from or if I could pay for propane for heat, what less Christmas gifts.

And then there was the loneliness.

I made it through for the next 6 Christmas' alone also.  I had my daughter. And each year, I found a way to buy her gifts, and to have enough food. Enough heat. Enough spirit to celebrate Christmas and a baby who was born to save us. We certainly had plenty of love and smiles and laughter. But as the only adult, I did  feel lonely during the holidays. And despaired. Hopeless. It was a struggle, but I wanted my child to feel secure and 'normal', so I hid these things the best I could. So really, no one knew.

Then I met my 2nd husband.

He brought stability. Both emotional and financial. We got married. We had a child together, now there were two daughters. We made traditions as we went along. Some we kept year after year. Some were forgotten after the first year or two. But Christmas was . . . Warm. Safe. Love. Happiness. Fullness. Home.

After 22 years...it changed.

The few months leading up to our last Christmas together was...Cold. Quiet. Angry. Sad. Empty. Lonely.

After getting through that last Christmas, it was done.

What would the next Christmas be like? I moved to a much smaller and older home after the divorce. What I could afford. Would my kids like it? Would my grand kids want to come here? I didn't put up many decorations. Only a small tree and a few things here and there. My heart wasn't in it.I missed my home of 20 years...the house me and my husband had picked out together. It felt like I had moved my body and stuff here, but my soul was still back at my home there. Maybe it was wandering around that house, looking for me. Looking for my daughters. My grandsons. Listening for the laughter.

Luckily, after expressing my fear that they wouldn't like this new place, my daughter said, 'where ever you are mama, that is home to us'. And I realized, that where ever I was, and my loved ones come to me, that can be home to me too.

I bought a house over a year ago. Its not as big or as nice as the home I had, but its becoming home more and more with each passing month. The grand kids are growing and making memories here. My daughters come and spend a few nights here and there. My oldest daughter, the one with the boys, comes more often. My youngest daughter comes with her dog, and can sleep in peace I suppose. (She lived with me right after the divorce, and slept in the next room. I know many nights she heard my wails as my heart broke and knitted back a little, then broke again.)

I won't lie and say I don't miss my old life, my old home, my old Christmases. And after the kids go home, Christmas can still be a bit lonely.

So yes, when you see those Facebook posts about praying for those who will be hurting at Christmas, do pray. The sadness and loneliness is real. And it may effect someone you never would have dreamed would feel that way.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Like Prairie Dogs

October 17, 2016

I have not written a story in a very long time. This one is a true story...

     Many, many, many years ago (about 32 to be exact), I was having a meal at Steak n' Shake with a man that I was dating at the time.

     I had a steakburger and fries. As you probably know, SnS has very skinny fries. While eating them, I had one go down my throat, unchewed, where it got stuck half way down and half way up.

     When I realized I had a fry stuck in my throat, I popped up. Like a prairie dog. I was still sitting inside the booth. You know, those booths where the seat is bolted to the floor and you can't slide the seat forward or back? But back then, I was a little tiny skinny thing and I could stand almost straight up inside the booth. And I popped up.

     The fry moved a bit and I sat back down. But as soon as I sat down, it felt stuck again. And I was having a hard time breathing around it! So... I popped back up!

     At this time, my dining companion asked, "What the ^&%$ are you doing?" Finally, that fry went on down and I could breath! So I sat back down. I explained I was choking on a fry. "Well don't do that. You are embarrassing me!" He replied. (!!!!!!!)

     Fast forward about 22 years or so.

     My husband had a pair of shorts that me and my daughter affectionately (sort of) called Dicky Dukes. They are the male version of Daisy Dukes. They were cut off blue jeans with the frazzled edges. Each time they were washed, more of the frazzled edges would frazzle and they became shorter and shorter and more and more embarrassing.

     Much to mine and daughter's horror, he wore them to the movies with us one night.

     This daughter is one who is not one to draw attention to herself, and sometimes might be called just plain shy. She would rarely do anything that would make herself stand out in a crowd or cause her embarrassment.

     But her Dad wore the Dicky Dukes to the movies that night.

     Our movie had not started yet. In fact, we were a bit early and was forced to sit in the lobby while the previous showing finished up and the theater employees cleaned up a bit.

     Several young girls stood nearby where she and I sat. Dad was standing close by. In his Dicky Dukes.

     The young girls took notice of this nearly white headed man in his fifties wearing frazzled cut off blue jeans that showed way more thigh then his wife and teenage daughter wanted to see even around the house, what less out in public. They at once started bending over and whispering in each other's ears, giggling and pointing.

     Daughter popped straight up off that bench. Like a prairie dog.

     I looked up. Way up, because she is tall. And I saw the fire in her eyes and the tightness in her jaw. I looked at her and I looked at the girls. She thought twice and sat down. But the girls pointed and giggled again. And she popped up. Again.

     "Don't do it!" I hissed to daughter. "But they are making fun of my dad!" she exclaimed. "Let it go!" I urged. "But it's my dad!" She hissed back at me.

     I think the girls realized they were barking up a very tall tree, and they moved on. Thank God! Because I was beginning to get embarrassed! And he, of course, was oblivious to all this going on.

    After the movie, we scurried on to the car, dragging dad with us,  trying to avoid any more run ins with judgemental teeny-boppers and anyone else who might find humor in dad's attire. For the most part, he was never none the wiser.

    Daughter and I discussed it later, and she said she really wanted to tell those girls off. But I told her I was quite sure if he were not her dad, and she saw a man in his fifties with greying hair and frazzled edge cut off blue jean shorts that went way up to there, she would probably giggle and point with her girlfriends too.

    And she agreed.



Friday, February 20, 2015

The Granny Newsletter

The Granny Newsletter...From January, 2005.

Text Box:  The Granny Newsletter
 January 2005  Happy New Year!     Issue #14

The Granny Update

Hi Everyone,
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and has a Happy New Year!  Granny is doing good these days.  Stacy (Moon-Richardson) attended Granny’s CarePlan meeting at Winder Rehab with me on Tuesday, Dec. 28th. They said that Granny is doing really well. This time we agree.  Granny does seem to be doing quiet well right now. She has not been sick except for a little bit of runny nose from allergies.  She has lost one pound recently, and is currently at 101 lbs.  They have moved Granny from the ‘Prompting Table’ at mealtimes, to a ‘Feeding Table’. This means there is a person assisting Granny in eating instead of just ‘prompting’ her to eat on her own. They said they had noticed Granny is eating less and less on her own. Sometimes she just forgets what the fork and spoon is for. And sometimes she just has a hard time picking up the food with her fingers.  When me, Bo, Fay & Cody visited her on Christmas Day, she was using a spoon to eat.  So I guess sometimes she still can do it herself.  Granny is still getting ice cream with almost every meal, Carnation Instant drink three times a day, and a calcium supplement. She also gets Tylenol three times a day for arthritis pain (she gets it crushed up in applesauce).  She gets Zantac once a day for heartburn, and a pill to help with sleep about once every other night.  She also gets robitussin and milk of magnesia as needed.  She also has that ‘sitting sore’ as we call it, (instead of a bed sore) on her bottom, and they put something called Xanoderm (sp?) on it.  Compared to a lot of people her age (and younger), she is not on a lot of medications at all.  Granny can still be ‘walked’ with assistance some days.  She has received a new wheelchair with big bars that come out in the front and back to prevent her from tipping herself forward or backward.  She still loves to ‘ride’ up and down the halls and hold her baby.  I think Granny had a very good Christmas.  She got a new sweat suit from one of the head nurses, a sweat suit from Secret Santa and several other new articles of clothing from different family members. She got a new lap throw & candy from Mary & Hollis and a new quilt from Michelle & Shane & boys. She got new PJ’s from Debbie and a new robe from Carolyn (Little Bit).   She got one of the goody-bag (fruit, candy, cookies & other stuff) that Mama (Kathleen) and her friend Debbie Helton put together for all the residents on the bottom floor.  Especially thrilled to get one of the baskets was Grady, the only male resident on Granny’s floor. He was so excited about a sock-cap in his goody-bag.  He still had it on Christmas Day when I saw him in the cafeteria.  It’s amazing what can bring a smile to their face…things we take for granted!  Granny also got some cash donations for her account to help pay for her out of pocket expenses….thanks to Patsy, Bob & Fay, Dorsey & Pauline, and one anonymous giver, for the donations.  She may have got more stuff that I don’t know about! 

Reminiscing With Granny
By Carolyn Chapple

At the dawn of each New Year, most people start thinking about what they can do in the upcoming year that will improve their lives.  New Year’s Celebrations originated some 4,000 years ago in Babylon, where as in the Western world it has probably been celebrated for about 400 years.  Some common New Year Resolutions these days are to lose weight, quit smoking, find a new job, find a new love interest, make more money, etc. The Babylonians resolved to return all borrowed farm equipment.  The Tournament of Roses Parade began in 1886 when folks decorated their carriages with flowers to celebrate the ripening of oranges in California.  In 1902, the first Rose Bowl game was played (football).  These are all traditions we still follow today.  Almost every New Year’s Eve finds me dreaming of paying off a credit card or other bill…it usually doesn’t happen, but each New Year’s Eve I find myself thinking about the same thing.  I remember Granny talking about what to do and not do on New Year’s Day.  She believed that whatever you did on New Year’s Day, you would do LOTS of that same thing through out the New Year.  Therefore, she didn’t do laundry.  I guess she hated doing laundry as much as the rest of us!  She believed, like people all over the world, that certain things you eat on New Year’s Day could bring you good luck.  Black-eyed peas bring you wealth, and hog-jowls or ham bring prosperity, and cabbage or collard greens represent paper money.  Other countries believe eating something ‘round’, such as donuts symbolizes ‘coming full circle’, and others believe eating rice brings good luck.  Granny usually had some black-eye peas with ham & collard greens simmering on the stove on New Year’s Day.  Another New Year’s tradition all over the world is to sing the song, “Auld Lang Syne”.  This song was written by Robert Burns in the 1700’s, and became more popular around the early 1800’s.  The title of the song means literally, “old long ago” or “the good old days”.  This song is fitting for New Year’s Day as we remember the past year and the happiness and sadness it has brought.  We have lost family members and friends, should they be forgotten?  Read the words to this song and remember the ‘good old days’ with Granny and Papa, and family members and good friends who have gone before us, and in the new year take the hand of a loved one, or friend, and share a cup of kindness.  May you all be blessed with a Happy & Prosperous New Year!

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?
And here's a hand, my trusty friend
And gie's a hand o' thine
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

Prayer List
Jeff Glass – Continued prayers for health – started Chemo in early December, has gained some weight back.
Tracey Glass – brain tumor & treatment for it
Andy Knight – motorcycle wreck in early December…broke 3 vertebrae
Helen Knight – continued chemo treatments
Hollis Mahaffey – diagnosed with diverticulosis & getting a biopsy on a mass on lower rib
Mary Mahaffey-spine problems, causing leg pain
Tyler Barrett (Michelle’s son) – Surgery on Eardrums 12/15
Paula Knight Barrett – tests for Sleep Apnea
Bob & Carolyn and their families  = Daddy (Robert Hutchins) died 12/16 (Thanks for all your kind words & cards during this time)
Libby Hunter (Granny’s friend) – Health Problems
Randal Helton’s Mother – Health Problems

Amber-was granted an internship with Gwinnett County – in the Juvenile Probation Division. Starts Jan. 24.
Todd Davidson – Still Tobacco Free
Cody Hutchins – gained a few pounds back!
Larry Knight – tests show blockage in neck improved

Gayle & Mike Grooms have a new Granddaughter…Samantha Elizabeth, born Dec. 27!
(Parents: Michael & Jodi Grooms)
Birthdays & Special Dates to Remember for January, February & March:
Heather Mosley – Jan 4
Pearl Black – Jan 5
Danny (Dee) Knight – Jan 13, 1980
Lucas Bennett – Jan 19
Kathleen Trusty – Jan 22, 1938
Regina Knight – Jan 22, 1949 (deceased)
Barbara Knight – Jan 29, 1940 (deceased)
Hugh Dorsey Knight (infant son of Cassie & Belvie Knight) Feb 7, 1940 (deceased)
Jean Knight – Feb 13,1998
Teresa Mosley – Feb 16, 1973
Stacy Moon-Richardson – Feb 20, 1971
Belvie Knight – Feb 23, 1915 (deceased)
Christopher Friend – Feb 27, 1992
David Knight – Mar 2, 1963 (deceased)
Timothy Bennett – Mar 3, 1978
Scott Richardson – Mar 9, 1971
Jimmy Knight – Mar 11, 1985
Elaine Knight – Mar 14, 2000
Carolyn Chapple – Mar 17, 1961
Billy Manis – Mar 18, 1992
Rodney Mosley – Mar 18
Jessica Chapple – Mar 27, 1990
Gayle Grooms – Mar 27
Edward Trusty – Mar 28, 1946
Sharon Friend – Mar 28, 1969
Nikki Mahaffey – Mar 31, 1987
Tara Grooms – Mar 31, 1990
Please note:  I still don’t have birth dates for the following people:  Grant  & Zoe Knight, Willis Manis, Stephanie Moon, Shane Smith & Linda (Larry’s  girlfriend)

Judy, Phyllis and Fay joined me on Wednesday, December 8th At Winder Rehab to help with the Christmas Store for the Residents. We had a lot of fun setting up the store, helping residents shop, and wrapping their gifts for them.  They enjoyed shopping for themselves and their loved ones so much.  Sweaters and Sweatshirts went fast…and so did stuffed animals and dolls!  I think we all got a lot of personal satisfaction just helping out with the ‘old folks’.  Thanks to everyone who was able to donate merchandise or gift-wrapping supplies! (see photo page)
Christmas Party for Residents & Family/Friends
On Saturday, Dec. 4, a small group of us got together and had lunch with Granny at the nursing home. (Included me, Judy, Jessica, Michael, Nicholas, Benjamin & his friend). The home provided lots of good food – buffet style…boiled shrimp, chicken fingers, spinach dip, finger sandwiches and desserts galore!  And some very good punch!  Granny enjoyed us all being there. We went to the front lobby and watched the birds for a while and visited with her. 
Beginning with this issue, I am only going to be sending out a newsletter once every 3 months, and then a Christmas Issue:  The next one will be in April, then July and October and then the Christmas Issue.
Please mail any cards or notes to Granny to: Winder Healthcare & Rehab Center/P.O. Box 588/Winder, Georgia 30680
Call me, write me or email me with any questions, comments, stories or family news or if you want to be removed from the mailing list:
4623 Pine Drive/Loganville/30052
770/466-2261 chapster13@yahoo.com

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Adios 2014!!!

Adios 2014!
  (My year in review)
January 2014 - Happy New Year!!!!
Granny's Baby Tiny

January 2014, started the year being expensive. The first week of January the transmission went out in my Honda CR-V. Can we say Ka-Ching??? My mama celebrated her 76th birthday. Other than that, the start of the year was rather uneventful.
That's Crash. Hopefully she will last a few more years!

Jess' Baby Kolbi!

Then February rolled around, bringing with it, the snow! We got a dusting in January, but got several inches in mid February. I got to stay home for a few days because Gwinnett County actually closed! It was awesome! I even built a snow man! 

February is also when I started talking to someone on Facebook...Lindon! We began talking on Facebook and he quickly became a good friend!
My Snowman!

March 1st was mine and Lindon's first face to face meeting. We had a great time exploring Athens and getting to know one another.
Me and Lindon.

March is full of birthdays for us! March 23, my grandson, Greyson, turned 3 My daughter, Jessica, and I both had birthdays too.
Happy 3rd Birthday Greyson!

In April, me, Amber and Chris, did the Color Run at Road Atlanta. We had a blast!

Spring brings hope and renewal, but also, some sadness. Our good family friend, Debbie Helton, passed away. With happiness and joy, there must also be some heartbreak and tears.

We celebrated Easter at Chris' Aunt Joy's. She is so gracious to open her home to all of us that we may celebrate Easter together!
Abel, Greyson and lots of cousins at Easter!

Lindon introduced me to a group of wonderful young men, a gospel quartet, called The Old Paths. Over this past year we have seen them in concert several times and I have gotten to know them and they are just an awesome group of young men who praise God with their music!

Also, Lindon and I begin going hiking. Over the course of spring and summer, he and I started going to different Georgia State Parks and county parks, hiking the trails, getting in better shape and just enjoying nature!

June brought more sadness along with the warmer weather. My step-brother, Tony, passed away early June. It was sad to see him go because we had just gotten re-connected a couple of years earlier after many years of no contact.

June also brought VACATION! Once again, we were able to join Chris on his Rescue Rodeo through his job with Georgia Power, to St. Simon's Island, Georgia. Lindon joined us and we had a great time at the beach and exploring St. Simon's!
Me, Lindon and the boys in Jekyll while on vacation.

Lindon and I celebrated the 4th of July at a festival in Auburn, Georgia. July also found me in the E.R. one day with gall stones. I opted to NOT have surgery to remove it. So far, so good. We'll see if 2015 brings back gall stone problems! Hopefully NOT!
Greyson and Abel, St. Simon's Beach!

In August, Lindon I hiked Talullah Gorge. Out of all the hikes we've been on, this one has been the best so far! It involved crossing the river by jumping from one boulder to the next, getting on all fours to cross rocks and boulders, sliding across a sheet of rock that goes almost straight up and slick from rain, and getting rained on. That was one of my all time best days of my life! We also went to the Garlic Festival near Cleveland, GA this year!

September 4, my grandson Abel turned 2! We celebrated him with a party in the park! It was fun to get the family together! Lindon and I went to the Jug Tavern Festival and enjoyed a good concert.
Aunt Faye helping Abel blow bubbles!

Happy 2nd Birthday Abel!

We went to the Georgia National Fair in Perry, GA, in October. Lindon and I headed up to the North Georgia Mountains to see the changing leaves. I transformed into Progressive's spokes lady, Flo, for Halloween. Also, my sister-in-law, Faye, hosted a Memorial Cookout to honor my brother, Bobby, who passed away last year.

Color North Georgia Mountains!
November brought much to be thankful for! We celebrated Thanksgiving down south with Chris' cousin Andrea. She welcomed all of us into her home and we had enough food to feed an army!
Our bunch...enjoying Thanksgiving Dinner!

Granny's Girls celebrated our annual gathering of Granny's blood daughters, granddaughters and great granddaughters for the 10th year, I think. Stacy hosted this year, and she had us all meet at Master Mixers and we painted our own picture for Christmas! We had a blast!
The boys and their dogs, Foxy and Henry.

Granny's Girls - 2014!

Other happenings in December...Lindon had a birthday! Our family got together at my brothers to celebrate Christmas and the year ended with me home on the couch sick!

This year my son in law, Chris, changed jobs. Amber continued to stay home with my grandsons. My  'adopted daughter', Grace, got engaged, got a new job, and bought a house. Jess and Justin moved in to a new home and continue to do well in their jobs. All my children seem happy and content with their life. My grandsons are growing like weeds and are so intelligent and have so many positive influences in their lives. I have a good person in my life with whom to explore the world with!

It has been a fairly decent year, with some sadness sprinkled in with the happiness. I am looking forward to a New Year with new opportunities and more places to explore. I am hoping God continues to bless us as he has, and that we find even more favor with him. I am not really making any 'Resolutions' for the new year, but do have a few ideas for change. I would like to pursue purchasing my own home. Maybe work on my degree again. Hopefully be physically active again this year. With God's help, all things are possible!
The boys and their truck from Uncle Bobby and Aunt Faye!

God Bless 2015!

Me and my brood...2014!

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Revelation (aka: AHA! Moment)

(aka:  AHA! Moment)
Revelation - noun  1.   the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure. 2.  something revealed or disclosed, especially a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized.

The Catholic Sacraments 

The traditional definition of a sacrament is this: "A sacrament is a visible sign, instituted by Christ, to give grace." Within this definition there are three important statements:

  • A visible sign An action is performed by a minister (usually a priest).
    For example, when a baby is baptized in the church the priest pours
    water over its head and at the same time says the words "I baptize
    you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."
    That is a visible sign. 

  • Instituted by Christ The Lord Jesus Christ instructed His church to offer the seven
    sacraments to His followers. For example, His directive to His
    disciples in Matthew's Gospel (28/19), "Go then, to all peoples
    everywhere and make them my disciples; baptize them in the name
    of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and teach them to obey
    everything I have commanded you."
  • To give grace Grace is God's free gift of Himself as the controlling influence in
    our life and the decisions we make once we have committed ourselves
    to Him in faith.

In summary, a sacrament is one of the means God has chosen to influence our life in the direction of his purpose for giving us life.
(The above excerpt was copied from this website:   http://www.stclementcincinnati.org/FaithFormation/The7CatholicSacraments.aspx.  It is being used only to give explanation of the Seven Holy Sacraments of the Catholic faith. I am not claiming it as my own writing in no means, way, or fashion.)

Today, I had a revelation. But first, some history.

This December, I should be celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary. But I will not be. It has been a bit puzzling to me the past year and half, as to why I won't be celebrating any more wedding anniversaries with the father of my youngest child...

When I met him, he informed me he was Catholic, then he watched my face. I am sure my face did not change with this knowledge, for I had very little understanding of the Catholic faith. When he saw I did not grimace, faint or scream, he continued on with his courtship.

I had always heard, all my life, not to marry 'outside of your faith'. To the best of my knowledge at the time, I was Baptist, as I was essentially un-churched. Oh, I had attended church. I was FULL ON Christian, as I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior early on. I had been baptized too. In a church. A Baptist church.  When our courtship turned into an engagement of sorts, I did have my reservations. But honestly, he was so much more religious than I was, and he was so much more devoted to God and so much more knowledgeable about the Bible than I was, I couldn't see anything wrong with us being married. We did, as far as I was concerned, worship the same God. Just maybe a little differently. In fact, the only thing that seemed different was that he not only prayed to God, but he could also call on Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Early on in our marriage, I learned about the Seven Holy Sacraments of the Catholic Church. He told me these were things he learned about and had drilled into his head during his 12 years of a private Catholic school student. He said of all things he learned about in his faith, the Seven Sacraments were the things he felt most led to follow. Especially holy sanctity of marriage. (He also did not believe in abortion, but he definitely believed in birth control!)  I bought a children's book about the Sacraments, as to have more understanding of what my husband believed.

From this little book with it's colorful drawings that appealed to young children, and from my husband's own mouth, I learned that marriage is held in the highest esteem (for lack of a better word) in the Catholic world.

All love comes from God, and all love reflects the love that God has for His creation. The Sacrament of Marriage is, first and foremost, a sign and symbol of this love. Marriage is a sacrament of the self-giving love which two people offer to each other. The love which a couple have for each other mirrors the love God has for men and women.

The minister of the Sacrament of Marriage is the couple themselves. The priest serves as a witness.

The joy and mutual support of married love can be a source of strength which enables married people to serve others in a very powerful way. It should spill out to their children and to those around them and become a source of life, hope and comfort for others. This is reflected in the blessing which the priest often gives the newly-married couples, saying:

"May you always bear witness to the love of God in this world, so that the afflicted and the needy will find in you generous friends and welcome you into the joys of Heaven."

Again, this is borrowed from the website  http://www.stclementcincinnati.org/FaithFormation/The7CatholicSacraments.aspx.  It is being used only to give explanation of the Seven Holy Sacraments of the Catholic faith. I am not claiming it as my own writing in no means, way, or fashion.)

Therefore, one can only imagine the confusion, disappointment, and heartbreak I felt when I learned my marriage to this man would fail. Yes, many times over the years, I did want to divorce. Yes, there were times I thought if I could only run away and not look back. But every time we had challenges, we overcame them. I thought we always would. I thought, I am married to a man where divorce is not an option. Maybe that was part of the problem. I thought no matter what sin I committed, or he committed, divorce was not an option. But there it was. 

Hindsight is 20/20.  Heard that saying before?  Well, as Paul Harvey would have said, here's the rest of the story...

About a year or more before I knew our marriage was seriously endangered, my husband ventured out into the world of 'faith other than that of Catholicism' . He went to a Christmas service at 'my' church, a Methodist church. He began to listen to Joel Osteen, the televangelist. I can honestly admit, I was tickled pink! I would walk through my living room and he would be on his stationary bike, pedaling like a mad-man, and listening to Joel Osteen preach! I was amazed by this, because he has always been very critical of the Baptist church. But now he had CD's of this man's sermons, offering them to me to listen to.

One night I overheard Joel stating that a man should love and honor his wife, and show her in different ways how he loves her. I stopped and asked my husband, 'When exactly are you going to start doing these things you are hearing in these sermons?'  I was joking with him, and he joked back.

In one discussion about his listening to Joel Osteen, I asked my husband, 'Why would a Catholic man listen to him?" He stated, "I am not sure I am still Catholic". He had told me from the day I knew he was Catholic, that he was not a practicing Catholic. He also told me that he had not always agreed with every single teaching of the Catholic religion he had received in church or Catholic school. And now, it seemed he may be doubting his Catholic 'religion' and was ready to broaden his faith horizons.

Now....the Revelation. The AHA! moment I had today...If you are no longer 'Catholic', perhaps you no longer have to believe, or at least, no longer have to uphold The Seven Holy Sacraments of the Catholic faith. Including the one of matrimony.

Well, that explains that.



Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Why Do the Birds Go On Singing?

"Why do the birds go on singing? Don't they know its the end of the world? " Asks Brenda Lee in her song "The End of the World".

It is true, when you have love and lose it, it is absolutely devastating. You are trapped inside a bubble with only your hurting thoughts, feelings and emotions, and you cannot fathom why other people are walking around, smiling and laughing, and carrying on like your heart isn't absolutely smashed to pieces! 

This is a really sad state of being to live through! It is a miserable way to feel.


 If you thought this was going to be a sad post, you are, I am happy to say - WRONG!

As you all know, readers, I have had my fair share of sad and sappy Brenda Lee-like  songs ringing out of my keyboard for the past couple of years. But! That has come to an end!

I am singing a NEW SONG now!  I am singing 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams! 

Why am I so happy? Because I have found the answer to Brenda Lee's question...Why do the birds go on singing????

It's because, even though having love and losing it, and feeling like you are going to die, it really IS NOT the end of the world! It may be the end of the world as you know it, but the sun does go on shining! The stars do keep glowing above! The sea does continue to rush! Your heart does go on beating! And yes! You will cry tears and people will go on about their business - - - because the world keeps going!

The reason it does, is because you heal, you find new reasons to smile and laugh, you see the world through different eyes, you learn there are new (or old) reasons to live! And there the world is, continuing on and waiting for you to catch up!

If you have loved and lost, or are hurting for any other reason, do not give up hope! Pray to God above to heal you! Ask your friends and other loved ones to pray for you! Post prayer requests for an 'un-named' person if you are too shy or embarrassed to ask for yourself...God KNOWS who they will be praying for! God listens. He cares. He will heal you! I am living proof of this!

My 'help me cry' song of choice for over a decade was Evanescence 's 'My Immortal'. If you truly listen to the words to this song, you will feel the heartache of a person who loved someone, helped them through things, was there for that person, only to have their loved one turn their back and leave. And for the longest time, I felt broken like the person in the song. But I have listened to that song for the last time.

I am happy because God has lifted me up. He heard my cries and felt my pain and he has eased it! He has helped me realize all my blessings...including my daughters, my grandsons, my extended family, my friends, my job, the list goes on and on! He has put a new person in my life that makes me smile and laugh, and makes my heart skip a beat! God wants us to be happy! God LOVES a good romance! (You don't believe that? Find the book  (called the Song) of Solomon in the Bible and read it!)

So pick your song now...will it be Brenda Lee, 
or Pharrell Williams?

Sad Songs: 

1. Brenda Lee - The End of the World

2. Evanescense - My Immortal

Happy Songs:

3. Pharrell Williams - Happy

Others that are uplifting and Happy...

4. Jamie Grace - Hold Me

5.  Toby Mac - Get Back Up

And here is a link to the top 10 'Happy' Songs of all time! (not sure I agree...but you might!)