For Reasons Unknown

Things happen to us in our lives that we have no control over. Things that we don't understand. Things we wish we could change.

We worry over it, we fret, we cry, we scream, we tear at our hair and face, and yet, you cannot undo the changes.

You go through stages of anger, sadness, disbelief, and acceptance. And we still wonder 'why?'.

Last year, I lost my job. I went from having a good salary to drawing what I considered a 'measly' check from unemployment.

I spent last summer alternating between worrying over not working, and enjoying being home. I worried over the money we spent doing improvements to our home. I got a lot of projects finished around the house.

As the summer began to fade, my worry about not working increased. All summer I applied for jobs that I felt were in my 'area' and my 'pay rate'. I had a few interviews.

I can't believe it now, but I actually told one company 'never mind' because, in my mind, they were dragging around on making a decision, and I felt like they were 'jacking around with me'.

One interview went terrible because I did not research the company beforehand, and I tried to be lighthearted with a young, inexperienced HR rep, who did not understand being glib during an interview when jobs were rare.

I was told by Gwinnett County that someone else was awarded the job I wanted. Two weeks later, they called me and said the job was mine if I could prove I graduated high school.

I found out after working with GC for a while, that my credentials had nothing to do with me getting the job. The person who first got the job, could not prove she was a high school graduate. Rumor has it she couldn't type, was on up there in age, and didn't have any office experience. But she had something over me; she was a friend of the 'big boss'. But she couldn't get her diploma, so I was second choice. Of course, having a cousin who works in the department helped me, I am sure.

I went to work making a third or less of my former salary, as a temp. That means my job is temporary. I could go home today and find out tomorrow morning I am not to return. I have no benefits such as insurance, paid days off, etc. No matter how long I work as a temp, I will never receive an increase in pay. I endure statements, though not meant to be hurtful, such as 'oh, I'm sorry, she can't help you with that; she's JUST A TEMP'. How many times over the years have I made statements like that? I have even heard them before in previous jobs...but not for more than 3 months at one job.

I am not complaining. I have a paycheck coming in. It's not what my former salary paid. It is more than unemployment benefits.

Now, back to the opening statement. Sometimes, things happen, that devastate us, that hurt us, that shock us...and we can't control it.

But sometimes we figure out why it happened.

Today, I got more bad news about my step dad, who has brain cancer. After the tears started to fall, one by one, angels began to gather around me. One angel handing over tissues, one whispering a prayer in my ear, one shedding her own tears, and all hugging me, kissing my cheeks and the top of my head. All saying words of comfort and encouragement.

I know why I lost my cushy, comfy, well paying job last year. I know why God placed me in this job, though it doesn't pay well, and I have no benefits.

It is because it is a place filled with his angels. And today they surrounded me.

Please see my Ed's Journey blog to get an update on his illness and life.

May you be surrounded by God's angels today.