Thankfulness

Thankfulness...The following are definitions according to Dictionary.com.

–adjective feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

-adjective

1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.
2. Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile.

-noun

warm friendly feelings of gratitude [syn: gratefulness]

I have a heart full of thankfulness today, Thanksgiving, 2008.

In October, 2008, I wrote a blog titled 'My Cup Runneth Over'. It was my way of expressing my thankfulness for all the blessings in my life. I had a response from a reader that really stumped me, for a while. She told me some terrible things that had been going on in her life, such as loss of jobs, no health care, worrying about her children's finances, etc., and went on to ask me if I had problems such as these, would I still be so thankful?

I have done much soul searching since I received that response from my blog. First of all, I apologize for giving off the impression that I have a charmed, worry-free, unblemished life.

I must say, for the record, I have had a fair share of hurt, heartache, worries and pains. I won't go into much detail about those things, but I have had times in my life when I wondered where the next meal would come from, how I would be able to pay the rent, if my car would get me to work one more day, how I would be able to take my daughter to the doctor next time she fell ill or how I would I buy her medicine.

I've had times when I wondered what I did to a person to make them treat me like they have, and have worried over what I have said or done to hurt someone else or have known and stressed over that too. I have stressed over tests and waited for test diagnosis, not knowing if I would get good or bad news. I have not always received good news. I have been fired from jobs, laid off from jobs, and have made extremely good money only to be laid off and start back at minimum wage. I have been stranded on the side of the road with no cell phone and no one to call if I had one. I have had to operate my windshield wipers with a piece of twine in the pouring rain. I have had to thaw my frozen feet out in the bathroom sink after driving to work with no heat in the car.

I have eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drank grape koolaid until it made me gag to smell it. I have worried over my child not wearing the newest clothing styles and the best shoes like other kids in her class, or having the toys and gadgets other kids had.

I have had my heart broken, stomped on, smashed and shattered, by people I thought I could trust and whom I thought loved me unconditionally. I was a single mom for 7 and half years and struggled with all these things, before and after my marriage ended.

But, I am thankful.

One day, after pretty much giving up, I met a man who took me into his life and didn't want to know the terrible details of my past and didn't think of my young daughter as baggage. I am thankful God brought us together.

I now have two daughters whom I call friends, and I am thankful to God for never feeling lonely again.

I am thankful for my big, dysfunctional, extended family. We have disagreements, arguments, misunderstandings and hurtful moments. But in the end, we stick up for each other and are there for each other when tragedy strikes.

I am thankful for those family members who fed me and Arthur when we had little or no food in the house.

I am thankful for my two dads who helped me when my car broke down and when I needed help buying a car when I was finally able to do so. I am also thankful for the old car which somehow managed to get me to work 'one more time'.

I am thankful for garage sales where I purchased clothing, like new and name brand, for a fraction of what they would have cost new. I am thankful that Arthur never knew her clothes came from garage sales.

I am thankful for ex-in-laws who didn't blame me for a broken marriage and have remained friends through the years.

I am thankful current in-laws who bring happiness in their own way.

I am thankful that my husbands sister is helping him with his dad, finally.

I am thankful both my daughters have found wonderful men, whom they love, and who love them.

I thank God for friends who lift my spirits when I am feeling low.

I thank God for our health, our homes, our jobs, our places of worship and our country, and those who defend it all.

Just yesterday, the day before Thanksgiving, we received the news that my step dad, Edward, had a second Grand Mal seizure. The doctors told him and us yesterday afternoon that they found a mass on his brain. The next weeks will be filled with tests, biopsies, and hard decisions.
I am not mad at God. I am upset because I fear what my dad has in store if this turns out to be cancer, but I am not mad at God. God has a plan for Ed. I may not understand his plan or agree with it. But he is in control and he knows what he is doing.

So, yes, thankfulness is an adjective describing a feeling of gratitude or appreciation. It is an awareness of a benefit. It is a noun that describes the feeling of being grateful. Thankfulness to me is when it feels like the world is spinning out of control, I know God has control. And he has a plan.

I hope the person who responded to my post in October can read this and find something in her life to be thankful for.

God Bless You and Happy Thanksgiving.